call me , the sky
by Sasha Derksen
Summary: Natalia thinks her life over yet again as she comes to the conclusion that although she enjoys being alone, she despises being lonely. (High School AU) (Belarus-centric)


By the middle of the day, Natalia Arlovskaya had finally concluded her thoughts. It was safe to say that although she loved being alone, she despised being lonely. Lonely in a country that wasn't even hers, even though it was her second year. She felt so foreign there, even though she had made friends at her new school, she was so different, and she didn't belong there. Her new "friends" would choose their other, closer friends over her any day, and that thought ate away at her mind.

 _You're unloved here. There's no need for you to exist in this place._

She knew that people loved her with all their heart, and she mattered, but that was on another side of the world. Here was a different story. When, on the first day of this school, no one talked to her, she walked up to a pair of twins and told them:

 _"I'm Natalia Arlovskaya, and you and I are friends from now on."_

It was true that she was too straightforward, and didn't know how to approach people, but this somehow worked, and a year later, Lovino and Feliciano were the only two people she considered good friends of hers. She felt herself more at ease with Lovino, so here she was, writing song lyrics from Agata Kristi, an old Soviet band, in her notebook, while the Italian carefully watched her hand trace beautiful words in black ink. Even if Lovino didn't understand what they meant, the emotion in which Natalia wrote them in delivered a strong feeling simple words couldn't.

"You, please write the solution to this equation on the board."

The teacher called to somewhere in the back of her class. Natalia wasn't paying attention as she and Lovino sat on the second desk from the front. What caught her attention, and what made her squeeze an ugly stain of ink onto her beautiful words, was the scent that the person who walked past her desk to the board carried. She remembered that scent, she remembered her own bedroom, clothes, and bedsheets indulged in that scent as its owner and Natalia herself lay on the bed, their eyes locked in a tender gaze, a genuine smile on Natalia's lips- something she rarely allowed others to see, and their bare bodies touching. At that moment, they were one. They were one solid thing in existance, and nothing else mattered as long as they stayed such.

 _"Natalia Arlovskaya, I love you with every bit of my heart."_

 _"I love you too, Alfred."_

But alas, they didn't stay that way for long.

 _"I'm so sorry, Natalia. I just can't do this anymore. I can't keep lying to both you and myself, so I have decided to finally tell you: I've been talking to Alice for two weeks now, and today I asked her out. I know that you must hate me now, but I want to stay friends with you. You're still a very important person to me."_

 _Coward. Pathetic. Liar._

The honey-haired boy was older than her for two years, and she was on cloud nine during their three month relationship. They were the school's ideal couple, and all girls were jealous of Natalia, as Alfred was the "popular boy" every one of them wanted to pursue their earthly fantasies with. Such a shame that he picked the "lonely Belorussian girl" to pursure his own fantasies with. And even a bigger shame that she was the one to find out that there was nothing behind him. He was kind to her, yes, but he hid a lot from her, and his "friends" with which both of them hung out with only cared for her when she was with him. Alone, Natalia was absolutely nothing but a menancing rich girl that hangs out with those "weird Vagas twins".

Yes, her father might have been the co-owner of the biggest Mercedez-Benz centre in that city. Yes, he bought a huge house and expesive clothes and phones. But what were those riches when they were in the hands of someone whose heart was empty? As thankful as she was for them, the newest phone on the market or the most expensive outfits in the grade couldn't give her the affection and warmth she was starved for. Yes, they gave her many "friends" who constantly wanted to hang out with her, only if she paid for them, and kept on borrowing and borrowing money from her. Sometimes she wanted to burn her designer clothes and purse and all of its contents in front of the whole school.

 _"I am more than my father's wallet."_

She craved affection more than anything. She had realized that there was only one person who she could recieve it from in this city. Lili Zwingli, a beautiful Swiss girl, who she met at the end of the last year. The clicked fast, and soon, they began considering themselves a couple. She remembered the warm, clear summer night they were stargazing on Natalia's roof. Natalia doubted that there was a moment when she felt more proud when Lili admitted that Natalia was her first kiss. It only went uphill from there, and they soon discovered that their relationship had gone not only to romantic, but to physical as well. They were both each other's first. But as always, good things have to come to an end. Lili's parents divorced and she moved from the center of the city to the suburbs with her mother, and Natalia could see her only once a month at the most because of her hectic schedule.

As she said goobye to Lovino and Feliciano in front of the school, Natalia turned on yet another song from her favorite band, the lyrics of which she always doodled in class. Although she was halfway across the world from the place she called home, she found home in the songs of this band.

 _For I wasn't the_ _first one who would rise and fall down._

 _You are purposely teasing me and playing about,_

 _You remember and know everything, there's no doubt_

Natalia was so lost within the words of the song she related to so much that she didn't notice her father's black Mercedes GLC pull up to the curb she stood on at first. When she did, she quickly got in the front seat, making sure she didn't stain the car in any way. Her father was kind and generous, but he was a neat freak.

He asked her about her day and she replied in short answers. Her father told her that they were going out to dinner at some fancy restaurant with a collegue of his. Natalia nodded in response. She was somewhat glad that, at least, she would be able to escape her mind, even if it was for only for a few hours.

As she looked at the large buidings and the busy streets and the cold passerby, Natalia was, once again, faced with the fact that she was simply alone, in an emotional sense, and it wasn't always good, and not always bad. She had a closed mind of her own, and those who were allowed in, usually left soon, whether by outside circumstance or on their own accord. Maybe it was fate, or she was just too much for anyone to handle. Perhaps she would never find out the answer as she walked among the massive crowd of people she encountered on a daily basis. Because, when you take a good look at it, they didn't differ that much from her.


End file.
